Chantelle in Wonderland

2003-05-13T00:53:00.000-07:00

Friends around me :

1) Just got to know that an ex-good friend of mine, J, (we are still friends, just that not as close now) and her younger sis (who is turning 21 in july) are pregnant at the same time, they are both delivering in july and both are carrying baby boys.... That is double joyous occasion. It will be her 2nd child and her younger sis's 1st.... What a great piece of news that is... felt so happy for them...

2) Saw C last friday during mahjong session... my gosh! Her stomach has gotten so huge, i couldn't believe my eyes, i mean i just din see her for about a month and there were so much difference to the size of her tummy... No wonder, she's been complaining abt being uncomfortable and couldn't sleep properly at nite... who could? I mean, what's more, hers are twins leh (enormous accomplishment), both are baby girls, she was telling me that she had pre-booked the caesearean date on 22/5/03 but it could be earlier if she's still so uncomfortable, in fact, she might be admitted tomorrow as she has another checkup tomorrow....

3) Haven't seen E for a long time, in fact, eversince her birthday, got to know her pregnancy first through a mutual friend of ours... Guess i understand why she doesn't want to say it, it hasn't been easy for her to get pregnant in the first place. Her expected delivery is in late august, this period has been especially tiring for her due to her health but i know that she has been trying her best. Will be meeting up wif her soon to pass her my invitation card...

Heard from my make-up artist that this is a good year to give birth, I wonder how true that is...... Anyway, for all mothers and mothers-to-be , Happy Belated Mother's Day....

2003-04-18T19:45:00.000-07:00

One good news : I have quit smoking!!!

Yah, I know, there will be comments like 'sure or not???' or 'how can that be, you are such a heavy smoker?' Even my own hubby have doubts whether I really did smoking (though the date he tot i quit smoking is different from the date that I really did quit), he called me up at intervals and if i'm not at my desk, he will popped me questions like : ' u catching a puff har' when i was actually buying snacks or at the washroom... Haiz, I dun blame anybody, I dun even believe it myself that I can cut down and eventually quit smoking. It's not an easy path and there are temptions from time to time especially there are so many smokers around me, but i know that by quitting, it's for my own good and a lot of ppl will support my decision...

One bad news : I have gain weight!!!!

They say : ppl who quit smoking will definitely put on weight, i wonder how true izzit... But then again, I have really, really put on weight and I'm really eating lots nowadays... Ha ha ha, so much for weight control... Think I flunked badly this time...

One announcement : Bring Forward

I'm going to bring forward my wedding dinner to June.... It's finalised on 8th June 2003... Dun ask me why coz there are reasons which I can't say them now (buddies tat know, please help me to keep this secret for the time being)..., invitation cards will be sent out in 2 weeks' time. There are many things that need to be done but till date i haven't done anything yet...*sheepish grin*

TIme to get my ass moving.....

2003-04-16T02:00:00.000-07:00

*Singing to myself*

Rain, Rain come again
Wash my troubles all away
May the good things come again!!!

Haiz, when will the hiccups ever stop!!!

2003-03-26T21:19:00.000-08:00

To my friends who are ..... Playboy/girl Type

Never say "I love u" if u don't care
Never talk about feelings if they aren't really there
Never touch a life if u mean to break a heart
Never say u will, if you don't plan to start
Never look in the eye when all u do is lie
The cruellest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love
when he doesn't intend to catch her fall
-and it works both ways-

To my friends who are ..... Married

Love is not about "it's your fault" but "i'm sorry"
Not "where are u" but "i'm right here"
Not "how could u" but "i understand"
Not " i wish u were" but "i'm thankful u are"

To my friends who are ..... Engaged

The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together
But how good u are for each other

To my friends who are ..... Heartbroken

Heartbreaks last as long as u want
And cut as deep as u allow them to go
The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks
But to learn from them

TO BE CONTINUED ....

2003-03-26T19:45:00.000-08:00

Countdown : 2 more days to my birthday......

2003-03-25T21:07:00.000-08:00

To all my friends who are ....... Single

Love is like a butterfly,
The more u chase it,
The more it eludes u,
But if u just let it fly,
It will come back to u when u least expect it.
Love can make u happy and often it hurts,
But love's only special,
When u give it to someone who's really worth it,
So take your time and choose the best.

To all my friends who are..... Not So Single

Love isn't about becoming somebody else "perfect person"
It's about finding someone who helps u become the best person u can be

TO BE CONTINUED.....

2003-02-10T20:48:00.000-08:00

U ask me 2 "take care", U said " Pls dun be sorry, u r not wrong, just that i'm weak" U hoped " from the deepest bottom of my heart, i sincerely wish u all the best" suddenly, i felt something got stuck in my throat, i felt as if i'm gasping for air, i experienced all the emotions which i tot i will never experience again ever since Collin left...I felt as if the world has close up on me, I was stuck in a corner with no place to run or hide from the impact u have given me... I felt like crying for help but no voice came out from my throat, i felt so stifled up.... i i i....

I'm lost but at the same time, i felt a sense of relief... U r rite to choose to go, U have yr rights to lead the kind of life that u want to... I was wrong to stand in yr way, U deserve to have someone who can love u completely, someone whom u dun need to share wif another person... I'm relieved not to carry the burden anymore but at the same time, i felt a sense of loss... I think it's natural for me to feel this way, afterall we had been together for 1 yr+ ... I won't call it a short period of time, nope, i won't...

I will cherish the memories that you have given me and i wish u all the best too...

Take care!

2003-01-19T20:25:00.000-08:00

Just read on Sat an email which my colleague forwarded to me : about how different horoscopes will fare in the year of Goat.... Almost vetted thru' everything but most of the attention was actually on Snake, my horoscope.... Wealth : no good, not suitable for investments, Career : no career advancements, best to stay in current job and hopefully a breakthrough, Health : no good, weak health, will fall sick easily, there might slight or even major accidents, Love : nothing interesting though spouse/yourself may have extra-martial affair..... Overall Comments : Super Suay!!!!

I wonder whether izzit by sheer coincidence or whether all this are really true... That very day... something happened...

My sister-in-law was involved in an accident... Her husband was driving and she was sitting at the passenger seat when a Mercedes knocked into them, straight into my sister-in-law's side, causing her spinal cord to be dislocated and at the same time affecting the nerves , she was straightaway admitted to NUH, but NUH were left wif no ICU beds thus she was then transferred to SGH where at the same time she was operated on...

The doctor-in-charge said that even after the surgery, she have only 20% chance of recovery... Nobody could believe that!!! She's only 25 (same age as me, in fact we were schoolmates) and her little boy is only 3 years old... Much as the operation was a success later (we knew abt it yesterday), she will need lots of patience and physiotherapy b4 she could even walk her 1st step again....

Life is unpredictable, isn't it?

2003-01-08T10:24:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna miss u....

Tonite was fun... really fun, just came back from pubbing, imagine betting on pool... whoever lose go barefooted, and also next game whoever lose go braless or shirtless, (sorry girl... beat you to it, i blog about it 1st)... It was damn funny... really enjoyed my night... going to miss tonite... In the end, I really went braless (but hey, I was wearing t-shirt so what the fxxk... nothing for you to imagine or even see if you were there okie) and barefooted right to my doorstep... I've kept my side of the bet... hee hee... Thank God the 4 of us were really quite close so there's actually nothing to feel embaressed about... just laughter and more laughter when we thought about it...

Can't wait for you to come back so we can have more of this session, who knows if i can the time and can afford the air-ticket, I might just fly over to visit u wif your mum.... Make sure u play a good host then okie....

If i can't, then make sure u come back during my wedding okie... Attendance for you is compulsary!!!!

2002-12-27T19:09:00.000-08:00

Belated Merry Christmas To All.....

Wow... Christmas just came and passed like that, so did my 4th year wedding aniversary which falls on Christmas Eve... We did our countdown at home with a couple of friends and over mahjong.... Got a Fuji Finepix 401 from him as a wedding aniversary present, it was exactly the prezzie which i wanted...So So So Happy....Lalalalalala.........

Christmas Day was spent at Orchard Road wif a group of friends walking aimlessly, taking photos, looked for friends who happened to work in that area, in the end, just before dinner, while we were passing by Bvlgari boutique, I saw what i want for Valentine's Day... hee hee... It was the pendant that caught my eye and i was pratically glued to the display for a few seconds but i guessed to H, it felt like eternity.... Think he couldn't believed my good taste and his 'bad' luck... muahaha... Anyway, he told me to consider carefully if i really want this for Valentine's Day or if i want the Fendi watch which i had seen earlier...

Compliments to D who treated us dinner at Sushi Tei and a short drinking session at Cosy Bay on Christmas Day...

Next Year's Christmas Eve will be different from the past 4 years b'coz H and I will be holding our Wedding and Chinese Dinner... I have alrdy choosen the bridal boutique to do my gowns (day and evening plus tea dress)... Yvonne's Creative, just hope that she will do a good job for me.... Looking forward to the day....

Meanwhile, time to put on my thinking cap.... Fendi or Bvlgari, Fendi or Bvlgari, Fendi or Bvlgari, Fendi or Bvlgari......

2002-12-13T20:33:00.000-08:00

Well i'm back...

I have pretty much recovered and i thank all of you for your concern... Thanks for being there, especially ah boy... Thanks for the christmas prezzies too...

Of course, life hasn't been exactly smooth sailing since then, there were still some hiccups in my llife and through these hiccups, i got to realise something, that is... Never never take yr friends for granted, not that i do but rather i felt like i was being used as a spare tyre to fill up the gaps in between ppl's free time... Time and again, i have been told (especially by H) that i treasured my friends more than anything, i can even accompany a friend when i was sick if she/he needs my company... Like a typical Aries, friends are more important to them than anything less, but i guess it's about time that i change my mindset and shift my priorities... especially thru' this incident which i declined to elaborate further... Mind u though, it's not as if friends are not important to me anymore but it's just that maybe it's about time, i divert some of my attention to somewhere else...

On the other hand... I have started to look around looking for a suitable bridal shop to cater my gowns and stuff like that... also looking for a place to hold the wedding banquet... Yes, my wedding date is almost fixed... should be on 24/12/03... christmas eve, tat's my wedding aniversary date... I din know it's such tough work, all the looking around, testing of bridal gowns(wah lau, din know i got such a good figure for gowns, hey u and u dun puke ar!!!), comparing prices and this is only the beginning stage....

Just hope that no more hiccups with the wedding preparations... I got too much hiccups in life recently....

2002-11-20T22:38:00.000-08:00

I have been through what i called it a rollercoaster ride kind of feeling for the past two weeks and as i blog it down now, my eyes go blurry again....

I was tested five weeks pregnant two mondays ago and i lost my baby on 19/11/02. I had a miscarriage...

Nothing can describe how i feel now....

2002-10-29T08:27:00.000-08:00

That's it..... One look by Dr Teng(my mommy dearest) and she could whatever was causing all the pain that I was feeling on the Left side of my body, that include my neck, my face and my jaws, wow, she could even tell by one glance that my face was swollen... I have kana Mumps.. how horrible!!!

But pains aside, I was laughing hysterically when she wanted to ask Professor Gu (my grandma) down and write the chinese character "Hu" (Tiger) where the mump was... the whole idea was so comical and at that moment, she looked quite bent on doing it, wah lau, cannot imagine she's only 43 or 44 this year but she so superstitious... ha ha ha, anyway in the end she gave in coz i gave her word to give the chinese physician that she strongly recommended (at sims drive) tomorrow.. think i really follow her instructions if not she will really drag me to my grandma's place, by then, there will be no way to escape the "tiger" together with two "tigeresses".....LOL

2002-10-29T01:18:00.000-08:00

Almost got a golden retriever on saturday..... Hey, the word is almost but in the end, of course i din get it, why, coz H asked me to reconsider real carefully, the male puppy (5 months old) is big boned and damn bloody adorable, i practically love him to the core... *haiz*, should have stood firmly to my ground and insisted on getting it... It's always been my dream to have a golden retriever, especially after i have seen the one at Pet Kiosk... That 18-month-old golden retriever belongs to the owner of Pet Kiosk at Serangoon North and it just simply took my heart away....If you want to see it, u should pop by during wkend, he's lying inside the shop... Anyway, back to my point, why izzit that if he wants to buy another luohan or even arowana, i should agree to it but if i want to get another dog, then he will stand in my way??? IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2002-10-29T01:05:00.000-08:00

Got this quiz from her again... wow, i'm what i love yeah.....

i'm a pup.what kinda pet are you?
quiz made by muna.

2002-10-24T02:54:00.000-07:00

Got this quiz from her

Also known widely as the Fire Bird, the phoenix is a profound symbol of the circle of life. It has a life cycle of 500 to 600 ears and after that amount of time, it sets itself on fire and dies in the flames. Then after three days, it rises again from the ashes. It is a completely benign creature who lives in dew. It is said that the phoenix has a beautiful melidous song which grows ever more mournful as its life comes to an end. It is a symbol of the sun and immortality. The phoenix is a very worthwhile beast.

What mythical beast best represents you?Take the quiz!

2002-10-23T02:08:00.000-07:00

Congratulations!!! You passed... Now that leaves me the only one out among the six (you should know whom i'm referring to) without that little piece of paper... Hmmm, maybe like what S says, i shall be the one and only bike rider (and a female one, wow!!!) among the six.... time to get my ass moving and pass the advance theory and proceed on to my 2B license.... *looking at that little piece of 2B license paper*, WAIT FOR ME.... i'm gonna get you sooner or later... *a look of determination!!!!

Yeah, i've bought my favourite show ' Ai qing bai bi shu', thanks to S.... I'm gonna start my 'chasing show' time again, remember how I watched the 'meng meng show' during my tai tai time, though i know that I can't do that now coz i'm working but all my other spare time will be devoted to my new collection... ke ke

Saw my friend's photo in The New Paper today, ecstatic to know that his team has make it to the finals 'The New Paper after 5 Pool League 2002', Congratulations, R, may your group win the title...

Sometimes, it's the small things in life that add colours to your life....

2002-10-21T02:47:00.000-07:00

Update over the weekend :

Saturday :
Woke up late becoz it's an off day... played mahjong with Rykiel and her boyfriend, it was a fast game,lasting only for 2 hrs+... Anyway, woke up at about 3+pm, went for breakfast cum lunch with H then popped over to mum's place to wait for the whole family... it's was granny's birthday and i was 'ordered' to fetch everybody from home to grandma's house (not that i was unwilling to do so)... Anyway, it was a simple home-cooked affair, but everybody in the big extended family came down... It's been ages since i last saw all of them... My youngest uncle's (who is only eight years older than me, by the way) eldest daughter alrdy started to learn how to talk, it's so cute listening to her..., and she started warming up to ppl alrdy, unlike in the past, the younger sister is still the prettist, the youngest is the son which without saying is my uncle's favourite child... Looking at them (the children, i mean), i could see H's eyes are full of envy, i knew he always wanted a child, be it boy or girl... but try as we might, refering to rykiel's quote "the eggs are not ripe yet"... hahaha... Anyway, went over to a couple's place later on... shared a bottle of dessert wine and a session of mahjong...

Sunday :
Woke up at abt 1+pm in the noon (did i hear somebody saying i'm a pig), then went out breakfast cum lunch again with H, then went back to watch tv programmes and wash the whole load of clothes at the same time... Then S called from the airport, saying her boyfriend just left for Penang, so me being a kind person (muahahaha) asked her to pop over... Later part of the evening, H and me accompanied her to Liang Court for ramen and curry rice... Looking back, it's been ages since i went to Liang Court (though i always went down to mohd sultan, get the picture)... After dinner, we walked around and even walked over clarke quay, i remembered the last time i had been to clarke quay, Funky Town was still around so you guys can imagine how outdated i am abt the area... Anyway, went back at around 9+pm coz tot there was WWF at 11pm, but much to my disappointment, it wasn't aired... =(

Today :
Suffering from Monday blues.. thank god it's alrdy 5.45pm... soon it will be going home time...yipee, going back to mum's place to taste hr cooking again, heard there will be fried chicken wings tonite... yum yum, hey you and you, dun envy me ar... i got my diet to think of whereas you dun, okiez...

P/S : Girl, good luck for your driving exams tomorrow... All The Best!!!!

2002-10-15T01:38:00.000-07:00

The blast in Bali really set me thinking...

Life's too short... Do whatever you want in life, if you have something in mind, something that you have a passion for, something which you had always wanted to do but never get the chance to do it, JUST DO IT coz you will never know what happen the next min... I mean look at it this way, did anybody expect the terrorists to attack Bali??? NOPE... But it really did happen and hundreds were dead, maybe it din strike hard to most of us since it happen somewhere else, but it did really strike me real hard, like a punch in the face... one min ppl were dancing and drinking in the pub and the next min, they were either dead, injured, missing, limbless etc...

I have always wanted to open a manicure and pedicure shop but being inexperience and with the economy like this current moment, i keep pushing my plans backwards...But after this blast happened, i have made up my mind to make a step forward and give it a try... sure i may end up with nothing but bad debts, but i know i might regret if i din try at all... Life is not complete when there are regrets, isn't it...

Will start by looking around for manicure and pedicure courses, then will learn nail therapy and etc etc, there are so much to learn in this line, maybe after nails, i can learn abt skin care but i will learn the basics from my aunt 1st coz she owns a beauty salon mah... Suddenly i feel that there is hope/goal in my life afterall... Realised that this is really what i want in life...

Anybody wanna be partners? Rykiel will be on the priority list of course....

2002-09-13T18:59:00.000-07:00

I know, I know... Some of you are complaining that I've gone missing again....

I was quite busy during office hours, always on the move, going for appt after appt, there was just simply no chance to blog at all... after work, I would be playing mahjong at home or just simply knocked out... Plus the fact that I was sick eversince last monday simply leave me with no energy or mood for blogging...

But I'm back! Though I'm still not feeling that good yet, I guess you guys must be missing me badly... Huh??? No??? (looking at shaking heads)... Well, that's too bad then...LOL

Guess I'm relying on my specs and contact lenses too much nowadays, I used to have only glasses coz my mum insisted that contact lenses are harmful to the eyes (wonder which idiot told her that anyway) but anyway she changed her opinion after my brother started wearing them (is that an act of favourism)... Started wearing contact lenses back again recently (i used to wear them for a while and somebody said i looked like a vampire in my purple contact lenses) and when i'm not wearing them, i think of my glasses almost immediately, it (my glasses) also become my favourite accessory coz i wear it whenever i did not put on any makeup... LOL... Anyway it's a good thing coz coz 1stly, my eyes dun feel that tired as b4 when i used to strain them and 2ndly, i din waste the money for this pair of glasses (cost was around $280 though i wasn't the one who paid for it)

Argh, i'm freaking tired...if anyone were to give me a pillow right now, i guess i will knocked out again...

2002-08-28T02:52:00.000-07:00

It's been long since I last blog...

Been busy for these past couple of days, trying to see more and more customers... Feedback haven't been that fantastic but I'm still quite positive about it... Never give up till last minute mah...

Went to her chalet last Saturday, dear, dun worry, u were quite a good host given your age compared to me when i was your age...ke ke, that's a comparison made by Mr H.

Thank god it's the middle of the week... I'm alrdy quite worn out alrdy, all I could think of now is my bed... my king sized bed... Hmmm, i shall have the whole bed to myself tonite and make H sleep on the floor.....lol... (as if I will be able to do that)

Now that I'm working, I have my own pocket money alrdy...ke ke.... feel like doing a tattoo... dun ask me why but the thought just come haunting me again.... Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't, but then again, maybe I should, and again maybe I shouldn't

Hmmm, shall decide by buying a bouquet of roses and pluck the petals one by one...... What do you think????

2002-08-21T01:19:00.000-07:00

Suddenly, I dun know what i want to blog today....

Sometimes, i wish that the pace of Singaporeans could be slower... I'm beginning to feel suffocated staying in Singapore... Of course, i know compared to Hongkong, we are nothing but can't we not compare to other countries but just how we feel as Singaporeans... I pity children nowadays, at the age of 3 -4, they have to take up so much things, ballet, piano, violin etc the list just go on and on and on... It also nvr fail to cause a stir when the time comes for Primary 1 school registration, imagine 330 students vieing for 150 places, u mean to tell me that there are insufficient primary schools in singapore? Nope, the fact is certain primary schools are closing down due to insufficent students... Parents nowadays just want their child to go to elite primary schools, from there to elite secondary and so on and so forth... But sometimes you just can't point yr fingers at the parents coz it's not entirely their fault, they just simply want a better life for their child... However, judging the way things are now, I cannot help but worry... will I become one of typical parents?

Things are still basically the same, I still need my coffee and coke everyday... my usual intake of cigarettes and once a week session of pubbing to de-stress....

I'm looking forward to this Saturday.....

2002-08-15T19:11:00.000-07:00

Wasn't in the office d whole day coz I was involved in some road shows and appt..

Went down to Lush with H and a couple of friends yesterday... It was Ladies Nite but then we drinked quite little (compared to our last drinking session together).... Stayed for about 2+hrs and left the place at 11+pm...Basically, the place was very, very quiet for Ladies Nite at discos but then, I tot the place wasn't at all inviting in the 1st place...

My problem? I choose not to think about it... Why? B'coz there's basically nothing I can do... the ball is not in my court now... even if it is, i think i'll still stick to my decision coz I hate to let anyone down....

I will say... i believe time will heal all wounds...

2002-08-14T01:50:00.000-07:00

din went down to pub afterall yesterday...

I think I really need a cold beer but with a companion, who wants to volunteer?

I keep thinking over and over again whether I've made the rite decision... Whether I'll be selfish if I din do it or distraught I did it.... But I still did what i'm supposed to do anyway, it'll come sooner r later, I just make it happen that's all... Maybe I'm totally numb, that's why I need a cold beer or two or whatsoever that can make me back to where I was again... Whatever it is, the decision is made and I know there is no turning back anyway... I know coz of d reaction...

Drinking may not solve anything... It never did and probably never will but it helps to forget everything for a while and that helps in some situations like mine now....

I'll survive, dun worry, I just need some time to get over it, that's all....

2002-08-12T23:57:00.000-07:00

feels like drinking all of a sudden, dun ask me why coz I can't offer any explanation... I missed cold beer or wine or maybe a combination of both will be nice...

Maybe it's time to pop over to a pub and have a drink or two... or maybe a bottle or two...

There's an old saying ' Let bygones be bygones', if only things were so easy... Afterall, humans are made of all sorts of emotions and woman are made of water...

2002-08-12T18:43:00.000-07:00

Stayed over at my own place last nite again and this morning H drove me to work... Had breakfast in the car on the way and find that having breakfast inside the car with yr loved one driving is actually quite a heartwarming thingy.... Beginning to wish this way of living willl go on forever...

But still Stoned.... quite stoned.... super duper stoned...

I think I need a strong kopi-o kosong... Badly...

2002-08-11T22:23:00.000-07:00

Wkend was a quiet affair...

Saturday
Supposed to go out with my colleagues for a drink but end up nobody can make it so in the end, I stayed at home... Felt so bored, thus called my friend S and her boyfd F over for a game of mahjong, ended up playing two rounds till wee hours in the morning... Went straight to bed after that and slept till 3+pm d next day... (poor H, guess he must be starving while waiting for this piglet to wake up, lol)

Sunday
Went for lunch, then went back home to do housework, felt so worn out after d housework, finished d book 'The Crow' (Chinese Version) after that...Follow by was dinner ta bao by H, then switched channels to and fro 5 to 8... 5 was showing WWF undisputed championship, a match between 3 wrestlers, The Rock, Undertaker and Kurt Angle... (I was thinking to myself, let either The Rock or Undertaker win or I will go on hunger strike the next day, the fact is I find Kurt Angle despicable)... In the end just as I hoped, The Rock won just by a fraction of a second.... (wiping sweat off my forehead)... Went straight to bed after that, completely knock out....

Today
Woke up late, considering I was sleeping at my own place, H drove me to work... Phew, managed to get to workplace in time...

Suddenly felt alone in this world... I dun know why, sure i got lots of friends but so what... I still felt alone...I just simply cannot describe my emotions... Let me pose a question to you (whoever you are), " have you ever look at your phone during one of those smoking breaks or tea breaks or whatsoever free moments and wonder who u want to call, maybe just to say hi or just to catch up whatever u had missed during d few days u guys din talk ... I did just now, during my smoking break, and the feeling was like "a tight squeeze in my heart"... Guess I'm getting too emotional, well never mind, i'll pass

All of the sudden, I miss F.... Guess he's d only one who available for me always...

2002-08-09T20:11:00.000-07:00

My colleague who just joined my company 1+ week b4 me had resigned on Thursday... it came as a surprise but not exactly a shock coz she had told me earlier on tat she's not used to cold calling.. well, who can blame her, she's new to sales and cold calling requires lots of courage, reason being ppl hang up countless times upon knowing yr intentions... somehow only thick-skinned ppl like me can do it... ha ha ha

Went to Plaza Cafe with H after work on Thursday, food was great... we had lots of oysters and heaps of salmon sashimi...(yum yum) and it was surprising cheap coz we only paid about $50++ for two persons due to their promotion this month, feel like going there again but then again I got to watch my diet... hee hee... shopped aimlessly around raffles city after d dinner when H suddenly wanted to see Mont Blanc pens, so in we went and we stepped out of the boutique $300++ poorer coz he bought himself one... Anyway, it's a good thing coz he wanted to get one badly eversince he lost d previous piece (he was heartbroken for 3 months bcoz of that) and he's been thinking about it then... Well, the pen looks good in his shirt pocket anyway though not in the wallet...

Met up with Rykiel and two friends on Thursday too.. went to Gloria Jeans at One Fullerton for coffee... Sometimes i feel that going to these kind of coffee joints beats going to pubs n disco, for one, u dun need to pay cover charge (or double of it during eve and public holidays) and 2ndly, u dun reek of smoke and alcohol at the end of d day....

National Day just passed by like this... I just watched d 1st 15mins of d ndp, later went to Compass Point.... Halo, listen out, any Mango fanatics living in Sengkang / Punggol area, that's it, it's going to become a regular hangout for u. It's a good alternative to going downtown and got to squeeze into the crowd... Tried a new food joint too named 'Yabbe', the seafd pasta and the baked rice are nice but dun order any side dish like 'golden nuggets' coz it's definitely not worth the price u are paying for, what's more, the price of the side dish is very close to that of the main dish...

Can't seem to blog on food coz everytime i do that, my stomach will be rumbling... maybe it's time for another kopi-o kosong...

2002-08-07T19:31:00.000-07:00

It's my fourth day of work..... Job is okay, well i'm still in the learning stage but my target market group will be kindergartens and primary schools...My colleagues are nice ppl who always make an effort to make me feel at home, special thanks to Gilbert who helped me to get speakers and also lent me his CD to pass time, really appreciate that...

Next step, I shall re-book my advanced driving thoery test, suddenly I feel that I need a car although I still prefer to be the passenger most of the times... If I can get my Class 3, I'm sure H will agree to let me take Class 2... Hee hee...

I'm planning to take my 'AO' levels for my chinese.... This is also encouraged by Gilbert... Maybe with the 'AO' cert., I will stand a better chance to become a Mother-Tongued teacher... something which I had also wanted to do.... Does anybody know I can can go about it???

My colleague forwarded me this test and I've found it to be quite accurate...Give it a try lah...

Quite keen to know what are guys or even girls views about woman having a tattoo??? All comments are welcome....

2002-08-02T11:25:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all your blessings... I'll strive hard in this job.... Make sure i make a name for myself and that my commission is more than my basic....

Just went down to Bugis, a firend's wife needs my taste for her wedding gown... See, my taste (halo, halo, not those licking type okayz, nothing to do with d mouth hor, but 'taste' as in looking good) can always be trusted.... *Foresee the queue* dun push, dun push ar, please take a queue number while waiting for my consultation.... Ha ha ha...

*on a heavier note* Happened to see a sight that set me wondering b4 i met up with my friend, I was with H having dinner at a coffeeshop just opposite Bugis shopping centre (the one famous for its chicken rice) when I saw this old man carrying a huge nylon bag approaching the coffeeshop, he was holding to four pax of tissues in his left hand and apporaching every table to buy.... Let's face it, 1st, I think it's a pathetic sight coz out of all the 8 tables b4 us, NO-ONE bought from him, just $1, now tell me, how much hurt it will do you to part with that one or two dollars? REALLY, I want to know, izzit so hard to part with one or two dollars? It's so frustrating to see how singaporeans behave, I really think we should be ashamed of ourselves, 2ndly, all the tables b4 us were all around my age, what does that mean? What the fuck, you 1 2 be a yuppie, a showoff in front of your friends when you pay for dinners, for drinks at a pub but you can't afford max $2 for an old man? 3rdly, if he is staying at home, living comfortably at the expense of his family; his children and his grandsons, do you think he would 1 2 come out and sell tissues to you, to beg you and beg tissues from him? I mean, I dun know, my heart always go out to ppl like them, be it they are real or not, be it I have enough money or not, I'll buy it from them, H told me that I shouldn't be worked up over such issues, that it's a society problem, I mean i know but every dollar helps, that's what I believe in AND will always believe in.... H and I bought from that old man and somehow, believe me, I think I'll be able to sleep tonite peacefully.....

2002-08-01T22:28:00.000-07:00

Dear all,

I'll be blogging less often starting from next week onwards.....

Question : Why leh? What happened? U OKay?
Answer : I'm perfectly fine.... *Deng Deng Deng Deng*

Announcement to make : I had went for my 1st interview in 8 months yesterday and da da, I've got the sales job on the spot.... Though the basic may not be very high (for a sales job, it's not considered low alrdy) but the commission and the transport allowance make up for it....

I'll be starting work next monday and my working hours will be from 9 - 6pm, Sat 9 -1pm, 1 Sat off per month.... BUT THEN, there are no fixed working hours for Sales Executive, there has never been anyway....

HAPPY FOR ME ????

2002-07-28T04:34:00.000-07:00

So glad that rykiel enjoyed the surprise party that we put together for her *wiping off the sweat on my forehead*, if not, her dear dear will kill me leh coz a sum of money involved leh.... Ha ha ha... Anyway, she can't complain anymore of the huge masimaro i had at home coz we got her a relatively big mashimaro and even Johnny (though it was me who choose that smaller mashimaro) bought her a mashimaro 2..... Happy that the surprise party was a success though it would have been better if not for some huge foul-mouthed bartender....

Wah lau, in order to pretend that it's just one of those usual meeting-up day and those i-need-a-haircut 2 day, i really sacrificed my fringe while waiting for her to be ready.... End up leh? H says that I look like an Ah Gong now (b'coz of short fringe mah) but I think he is the one and only leh, coz most of my friends says I look more like a japanese girl leh.... Wah lau, *blush blush*

Me too happened to have japanese dinner yesterday... E (my ex-colleague) happened to have the same birthday as Rykiel and she decided to celebrate her birthday yesterday, so a bunch of us (8 girls) went to E's brother newly opened japanese restaurant... So coincidence, happened to be one of my ex-client's restaurant but now E's brother took over.... Had lots of food, from sashimi, california maki, futomaki, chawanmushi, softshell crab, set dinner, softshell crab maki and lots lots more, eat till all can't move.... Dinner started at about 8pm and lasted till 11.15pm, wah lau.... so you guys can imagine how much we ate, but what was great was we were given two adjoining tatami rooms, so shiok, perfect ambience to eat more.... so japanese.... Told H that we should go back 2 that place during our wedding aniversary.... hee hee.... Went back after that, even H was surprised that I was home so early, told me that he will give me a surprise the next day..

This morning, when I woke up, I saw the mock LV pouch which I wanted to buy but can't bear to because it was really damn bloody expensive... I knew it was H's surprise for me and words just can't express how i felt there and then... I mean all he asked was that I go home early and b'coz of that, I've got something which I wanted.... *really touched*

Just now, when we went around to get live food for his luo hanssssss, happened to see a sapphire winter white dwarf, she's so lively and H and I decided to buy her on the spot.... named her *girl girl* instead of *furball*, coz i dun want to be reminded of unhappy things and the other fact that while *furball* was so gentle, *girl girl* is so tomboyish, hopefully *girl girl* can get along fine with *furby*... *look full of expectations*

Okiez.... Time for dinner....

2002-07-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

Promised someone(whom i shall not name) that I will blog more often, so here I am...Ha ha ha

Yesterday nite's rain was super duper heavy, so heavy that H and I decided to cancel our trip to try out the food at one of the shops in Bedok, heard from H that it's really nice.... *pouts* In the end, we stayed at home and I cooked instant noodles for both of us.... what a pathetic dinner... but that's better than asking him to drive in the downpour, so dangerous.....

Started to miss Fishy alrdy, hey you, have u taken your pi pa gao yet....Hee hee, must remember ar...

Wonder if I'm pregnant or did I just simply put on weight? H was laughing when I asked him that,

Me : > Do you think I'm pregnant or did i put on weight?
H : > Definitely put on weight lah, just look at your daily routine
Me : > But cannot be leh, how can it be only my stomach area putting on more weight? *Puzzled look*
H : > *burst into laughter upon seeing the puzzled look* Why cannot be leh, you are always sitting down mah, watching tv lah, icq-ing lah, playing pc games lah
Me : > Really meh? *blush blush*
H : > dun believe, u go and check lor, *laughing even harder*

Buay ta han, very funny ar? Stupid H, huh.... Hmmm, maybe it's really time to check it out.... But what if he says it's true leh....... *poutz poutz* Huh, decide to ignore him if it's the truth, why? Because never never say the ugly truth about women!!!!!! HA HA HA

2002-07-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

The venue was changed to Chomp Chomp and I did go down afterall.....

I'm so glad that I went, saw alot of ppl that I've always wanted to see, Fishy, Doll and Buaya for the 1st time..... *really nice to meet up with you guys* It was fun, no, i think 'fun' is an underestimated word, though I din talk to you guys much *not dedicated to you Fishy*, but I hope you guys dun find me too noisy... ha ha ha

Food was okay though i din eat much.... Not much left anyway :P

Fishy, glad that at least I managed to see you b4 you fly off, remember to finish the pi pa gao b4 you come back ar.... this is an order, okie.....LOL

2002-07-22T22:23:00.000-07:00

Really feel like joining u guys for lps tonite... in fact H has just given the nod of approval... but i've got a worrying problem....*sigh*

I've been L.S.-ing eversince fri morning, think must have kana food poisoning, should be the cockles from the laksa, damn it.... the cramps and pain come n go and everytime it happens, i feel short of breath... But i'm feeling much better since then though i still L.S. Forget abt doctors if you are thinking of asking to go to one coz i'm really feeling better alrdy.....

I'm really looking for a job now, let's pray that i get asap lah....

Meanwhile, i'm still wondering, 2 go or not 2 go???????????

2002-07-10T08:19:00.000-07:00

Realised I haven't been blogging for some time...

Life is still pretty much the same... No hiccups...

Sorry that I didn't turn up for the gathering yesterday, it was way too far out for me, but strictly and seriously speaking, I do miss you guys, come to think of it, this is the second time I missed seeing Vis dear, hopefully I get to see you real soon....

Supposed to go Sunset Bay today, expecting the weather to be as good as the past few days, but what the heck, it rained heavily this morning and was still drizzling in certain areas in the afternoon. Am I fated not to have any tan, huh? Seems like everytime I go or suppose to go for tanning, it will rain... Urgh!!!! @X&#$ End up staying at my place with rykiel and ah nah to watch vcds (again)....*Sigh*

2002-06-26T00:17:00.000-07:00

Saw him yesterday as it was his friend's birthday and i happen to be on quite good terms with the wife, so went there after the match, he seemed to have lose weight... I kept him at a distance and forced myself not to look in his direction...

From the moment he says that he will send me back, I know it was a mistake, he was obviously high coz he kept drinking and drinking... When we were inside the car, he asked me to give him a 2nd chance.. I said no repeatedly and I think that must have got him real fed up and upset... He stopped the car suddenly and told me to get off, I didn't even hesitate, (it was at the main road anyway). He sped off and while i was waiting for a cab, I saw his car driving near again, I flagged for a cab and went off. What a nite!

He called this morning and asked why I didn't switch on my phone last nite, my goodness, he was quite high obviously coz I told him last nite on the way to his car that my hp was totally flat.... He kept apologising and I told him to go and rest. He's on M.C. today...

Deep down there, I alrdy forgive him for the hurt he had caused me, but I guessed it's better for us to stay as friends...

2002-06-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

Hey, just wanna say that I'm alright! Really, I'm fine.... Halo, I'm Chantelle, you know, not any kuching kurak...

Thanks for the concern, everybody. I'm touched but I also understand that life still goes on, no point harping on what had happened.

Today will be a better day, dun wait till tomorrow....

2002-06-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

I dun know if it's official this time, but F and I just decided to call it quits!

Really, really feel like crying but I have to hide my emotions, feel like drinking but on the surface, no reason for me to drink. I wonder to myself : It's not the first time that we quarrelled and said something like this, but I really do feel that it's serious this time. Come to think of it, it might be a good thing afterall, but I know it will take quite a while for me to forget him. I tell myself to be strong and I know I will try my very best to be strong, but maybe, maybe just for a night or two, let me get drunk, just a night or two, that's not too much to ask, izzit?

From the first day o know him till now, it's been 6months, 24days and 20hours, 22mins.... Time really passed by so quickly, I dun regret knowing him but I just wished I didn't know him so late, I wish things were different. He's been nice, very nice...

Just received a msg, thought it was him, a flash of hope fleeted through my mind, but it turned out to be someone else... ask myself a question, what was I hoping for?

Must get a grip of myself and get on with life... Must!!!!!

2002-06-24T03:04:00.000-07:00

Hi Everybody!!!!! Missed Me????

1st of all, I must say thanks a trillion to Mr Nah-san for helping me to set up this pc, really appreciate it... * so touched*

2ndly, really missed you guys alot! Missed blogging alot especially when I was feeling down but nowhere to express how I feel...

Just in case u r wondering, i'm still jobless, but after much persuasion and efforts from Mr Nah-san, I going to look for a job from today onwards, yeah yeah, no more excuses about pc down and can't check the website. Hey you, dun laugh and you, stop yawning, i'm dead serious this time okie, be more supportive lah...

Me not feeling 2 good these days, kept feeling sick, been drinking tons n tons of water, hopefully it helps....

With F, I really dun understand him sometimes, let me pose a question : If you happen to see you ex by chance one day b'coz your friend's girlfd brought her along after they went shopping, the four of you sat down for a coffee and talked kind of stuff, will you hide it from your current girl/boyfd, even though you know that he/she might not like it? My answer is I will say it coz i know nothing hurts more than being deceived.... Give me you views...

With H, things are slowing settling down and are better than b4...

Studies... Maybe I will not go 4 Thames afterall, but my options are still open, funny thing is, though I have not paid any school fees but they assumed that I have went for my lessons alrdy, so this funny consultant called me up today and asked me to go down and see another consultant tomorrow to see they can arrange another so-called affordable instalment scheme for me, feel like laughing over the phone at the thought of that but i didn't...

Think my brains are getting rusty after all the resting period...

2002-05-22T23:05:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 9.30am this morning for Coffee Bean's breakfast, I almost feel like cancelling the "trip" as it was raining (or rather going to rain at certain places) and going back to sleep, but since I was the one who suggested breakfast, they are probably going to nag and scream non -stop if I were to cancel it.... Drag myself unwillingly out of the bed and went for a cold shower... Finally step out of the house at 9.50am..... What a morning!!!

Me now at his place, going to make sushi, seems like my two helpers are quite inexperienced, BUT they are so keen to learn.... Hmmm, today i shall be the main chef, hopefully I can still remember how to make it.... *GRIN*

* ME *	ME and Rykiel

ME again	ME and ah nah

2002-05-22T03:03:00.000-07:00

Another day almost going to pass, suddenly i was asking myself this question, what have i achieve today????? Nothing.... feels like a lazy pig....

Went to play pool yesterday, in top form leh, make some guys' jaws dropped, ha ha ha... Imagine that was my greatest achievement yesterday, hee hee

Having some problems with my school thingy, the credit company that they offered had too many hidden costs and H decided not to take up the loan with them, have checked out with the school for alternative solutions, seems like another choice will be going thru' the school itself, but imagine paying $758 per month for consecutively for 24 months + $3000 cash for initial payment, so shiong, what am i supposed to do???? *pull my hair in complete frustration*

Sigh, feels that everything is not going smoothly recently, when will i ever see the sun again???

2002-05-21T02:33:00.000-07:00

My pc and my favourite hamster just passed away, is there anything more unlucky than that? *sob sob* Dun think I will buy a new one to replace her, she's too adorable to be replace, beginning to miss her alrdy...

Just received my final theory results 2, I FLUNKED!!!!!! Think it's about time i should pray, any suggestions whether i should pray to Goddess of Mercy or Jesus Christ? (no offence ar) *Sigh* Anyway, I dun think I will go for the final thoery ANYMORE!!!! Give up, Give up, unless i can go ahead with my motorbike license.....

Missed blogging and missed you guys....

Think it's about time i should really start looking for a job, to pass time and to earn some extra cash.... but haven't really decide what to do..

Just in case you guys are wondering when you will receive my "Red Bomb", dun worry, i will give you guys ample time to save enough for a seat during my wedding dinner, even the $20++-per -head-guy (U know who you are) will be invited..... Hee hee hee. The wedding should be held next year, date is not fixed yet, but definitely next year... I'm seriously thinking of open dining concept so most likely, the venue will be at Rasa Sentosa, so it's a bit different from the usual 10-course dinner thingy... Bridesmaid will be aunty rykiel...

All views on the wedding venue are still welcome, in fact the more the merrier.........

2002-05-14T00:15:00.000-07:00

Just in case everyone tot i was missing, i better offer an explanation, so here goes....

I WAS AT MY OWN HOUSE (THE ONE THAT I SHARED WITH H) AND THERE'S NO PC ..... SATISFIED??? I hope so, dun use rotten eggs to throw at me if you find this explanation unacceptable.... ha ha ha

Life's been pretty quiet recently except on that party night....

Hey, If U are given the following four choices for your wedding venue, which will you choose :
1st ) Raffles Hotel - Budget : $828+++ per table but open dining concept not applicable
2nd ) Pan Pacific - Budget : $758+++per table but open dining concept not applicable + a lot of ppl held their wedding dinner there
3rd ) Rasa Sentosa - Budget : $688nett per table, open dining available but a bit inconvenient
4th ) Alkaff Mansion - Budget : $838nett per table, open dining table but a bit inconvenient

All views are welcome!!!!

2002-04-03T22:23:00.000-08:00

Talked to her yesterday, be strong girl, I will be here for you whenever you need me.....

Time seems to fly past faster whenever I'm with F, or izzit just my imagination.... *sigh*

My daily routine consists of surfing the net, reading papers and playing with my doggie..... I really should get a job soon.... *sigh*

2002-04-02T20:53:00.000-08:00

I lost my pink doggie during supper yesterday..... Damn, I'm always so sotong..... *SOB SOB*

2002-04-02T20:51:00.000-08:00

Birthday came and flew past, let me do some re-cap :

Thursday (28/3) : My bird-day eve, the day of the celebration, thank you guys for turning up. Thanks for the prezzies.... I was so glad to see many friends, some of which I have not seen for more than 1/2years.... and Keith, the last time I saw him, he was only about a month old and now at 19 months, he's alrdy walking and learning some simple words at the same time, wow... he's so adorable and H kept saying that baby keith is so handsome... we played mahjong after all the guests left and I knockout at abt 3+am. Dear, thanks for all your help to make everything went on so smoothly, really appreciate it.

Friday (29/3) : the day of my bird-day. wanted to go orchard but b'coz it rained, we decided not to. Stayed at home and played mahjong. Birthday was a quiet affair. H gave me a dwarf hamster (beginning to feel that my house is becoming more and more like a zoo / pet shop, with all the fishes, Oscar my dog and the new addition), he said that he bought the animal only for fun and emphasize that it's not a birthday present. Originally, I know that he wanted to get me a V70 but I told him that my 8850 is only 3 months old and it's not necessary rite? Anyway, till date, he haven't decide what he wanted to get me.....

Saturday (30/3) : Conclude that Furball(the dwarf hamster) is too lonely and thus we went to get her another companion named Furby. Furby is a male and they of the same breed... so cute. Anyway, today (30/3) was supposed to be a friend's birthday and we completely forgotten about it, he (the birthday guy) dropped by to play mahjong (unfortunately he lost) and I only remembered it after he left, called his mobile and wish him a belated birthday, promised him to give him a treat next time he come over my place...

Sunday (31/3) : Woke up at abt 2pm, went for lunch and came back about 3+pm, did my french manicure, painted my toenails and at abt 6+pm, I went over to an ex-colleague's place for a gathering.

Just in case you are wondering what F gave me, let me start by telling you guys that I told him b4 that i liked Davidoff perfume, the stupid ben zhu tot it was Baby Doll (by YSL) and went to buy it. Later he asked me to guess what perfume he bought, he told me it's something that I liked and kept hinting that it's from YSL. I kept scratching my head and finally gave up guessing.... he showed me the bottle and when I saw the name, I nearly burst out laughing coz I know he obviously misheard it.... However, the perfume was nice... Dedicated to him : I loved the perfume dear though I wished it was the ring that we saw at GoldHeart.

After reading some of the blogs, I realised some of us ppl are recently going through a rough patch. Just want to let you know that should you ever need a hugz, a listening ear, a shoulder to lie on or even a kopi companion, i will be here and that's all that I can offer. (Cannot be a shopping companion b'coz no $$ unless window shopping, okie)

2002-03-25T21:36:00.000-08:00

Finally finished the "meng meng" show... What should I do next? Think I'm going to get a job... consider it as passing time or whatsoever...

Decided to do the celebration thingy on this coming Thursday (28/3)...*Look of relief*. Guys (U know who you are), Attendance is Compulsary... Please provide MC or parents' letter should you fail to turn up..... Hee Hee Hee.... Lian, turn up with your dear, okie. I'm going to meet her later to discuss the guest name list details and the catering details...

Will miss his presence badly on Thursday... I do want to celebrate my birthday with him and I'm sure that he does too but I guess he understands the whole situation...*Dedicated to him : Thanks for being so understanding, Dear, I know it's not easy for you to love me, but you do make me feel loved and protected, even when I feel that the world is against me sometimes, I thank God for bringing you to me, even though I know it's unfair for me to want you and keep you by my side*

She asked me to be gracious and invite J and T along for the celebration thingy, told H to ask and seems like J is coming. I dun know why, I know that I should be gracious but I still feel awkward, uneasy and a mixture of other emotions.... in plain, I just dun feel good about seeing them, but I guess afterall they are H's friends and I can do nothing about it except to keep a distance from them... just hope that they respect me...

2002-03-21T22:14:00.000-08:00

Yeah, going back Hougang later to watch the "meng meng" show, missed it for two days...

Headache about my birthday celebration thingy... should i do it on thursday or friday? Coz i asked my mum's friend to cook and she can only cook in the morning, so if thursday, by the time u guys knock off work in the evening, the food would have turned super cold alrdy, but if on Friday, you guys can pop over in the noon mah.... Lian let me think of a perfect solution, okie coz i do want you and your dear to come along......*think hard*

I alrdy forgive him... cannot bear to see him depressed over me, he's alrdy full of problems on hands, i shouldn't be adding on to his problems...*Dedicated to him : Sorry Dear, for causing you to have sleepless nites the past few days*

She just called so i gotta run, if not, i'm gonna be very late...

2002-03-20T21:58:00.000-08:00

Come to think of it, everyone in 'spore is celebrating my birthday with me next friday, hee hee hee.... feel so proud and honoured...

How do I want to celebrate my birthday? ARGH, birthday reminds me that i'm getting older, like what my mum says,"when i was your age ar, i alrdy have ah di, ah mei and you alrdy loh.... you ar, till now still kosong" then she will end off with a deliberate long sigh......

Should I forgive him or....... confused! confused! confused!

Waiting for her to call me.....

2002-03-19T21:25:00.000-08:00

Lian, I'm not bored at all, me got a huge important mission to complete.....That is.......... to finish watching the "qin shen shen, yu meng meng" ...... me really addicted to the"meng meng" show, wished i could finish it once and for all, so addicted that the two of them (u know who u r) says that i'm hopeless...Wah ha ha ha
Tried the french manicure yesterday, did it by my own...End results were good, thanks for the birthday gift, dear n lian , shall show it to you the next time i see u.
Now debating whether to take up degree in business administration aka business management, or certificate in pre school teaching? Frankly speaking, me quite wary about going back to the business / corporate world again, i hate the office politics and etc, but money wise, no doubt, the two different paths are poles apart as well.... *sigh* as ppl say " this is a materialistic world, no money no talk" ....

2002-03-18T09:52:00.000-08:00

Mood:Gila
A song composed after dinner together with Verda and Rykiel....

How much is that doggie on her red hair? woof woof
It cost four dollars and ninety cents, woof woof
It has diamond eyes and diamond necklace woof woof
And the doggie is pink in colour woof woof

What do you guys think??

2002-03-17T18:19:00.000-08:00

It's another day... Mum has been pestering me to get a job, maybe I should really get a job, perhaps then i will be able to ease her burden and lighten H's burden at the same time, afterall, I'm obliged to coz i'm the eldest in the family (to my mum) and in marriage vows, to share everything, though H is not saying anything, i'm sure it's not easy to have to support me and pay all the bills at the same time ... *sigh* Haven't decide what i want to do yet, to go back to the sales line is my last resort...
My auntie has just given birth to a baby boy last nite, guess my grandma must be overjoyed but the happiest person must be my uncle, after two girls, the "thing" that he wanted most is a boy.... *happy for them*
H is really treating me much better than b4, guess i'm touched by whatever he has done 4 me, words cannot describe how i feel... *touched*
F has encountered some family problems recently, seeing his troubled look always make me wonder if there is anything i could do 4 him, like what he said, all the problems seems so small when he sees me, guess that's the only way i could help him... i ever posed a question to him, in fact, just again last nite : why do you love me? and his reply was : coz you make me happy... it's seems like such a funny reply, maybe there's lots of meanings behind it, but i really dun know... *puzzled and lost look*
Let me pose a question : Izzit true that as human beings grow older, more and more problems and tricky situations arises, or izzit simply b'coz human beings just dun know what they want in life after all, that's why the problems and tricky situations come into the picture???

2002-03-05T20:06:00.000-08:00

Beginning to feel that F's everyday morning call is becoming so addictive alrdy, it's just like my daily dosage of Coke and it's addictive as Sxx, *grin*.... Nowadays, he wakes me up every morning and if I happen to miss his call, the moment I pick up his second call, he will greet me with "halo, morning zhu zhu"... dunno whether to laugh or to cry....
Yesterday was a super "sian" day, stayed at home the whole damn day, only thing to entertain myself was Internet Mahjong, *sigh*Dunno whether izzit b'coz I stayed at home or b'coz of the pills i took, I vent my anger and fustrations on the 2 poor men, both kana from me, *Imagine left, right, up, down and centre* Wah Ha Ha.
Completely forgotten about the exhibition that's starting 2morrow at Suntec, the one about careers, education and etc etc... Hmmm, will definitely go, pick up some brochures for courses, (machiam I just received my O level results, lol)
Hmmm, what should I do 2day leh? *fiddling with my hair*

2002-03-04T22:32:00.000-08:00

Wahhh, realised that I've not been blogging for almost a month... Chinese New Year come and go, Valentine's Day come and go. I was surprised to receive 99 roses from H on Valentine's Day...and I was even more surprised about my own reaction after that... the happiness did not last more than half an hour... Nowadays, H is treating me better than he has ever treated me in the past 3 yrs, however deep in my heart, I just know that something is not right somewhere, izzit the uneasiness or izzit that the feelings are no longer there? It frightens me at times, though it doesn't show on my face.
I'm still seeing F, as friends and definitely not everyday like b4, in fact, i'll be grateful if i can see him twice a week. I'm not the kind of person that once you can't be together, you'll have to be strangers. I know that deep inside our hearts, we still love one another...
I went to attend a wedding dinner on Sunday.... it was a close friend of mine... Saw their wedding photos, so enchanting that i wish i could do it immediately, but when i think of who should i do it with, suddenly, I feel myself all tensed up and i know i could not do it at this period of time... Guess all i could do now is just to study...
When i first married H, i never thought or nor imagined that one day, i will feel like what i'm feeling for him now.... Guess i will never forget that fateful day. Although I have seen H's friends (J & T- they were involved) after that, i just simply and completely ignored them, just like what i told rykiel, they are not on top of my priority list....I will not and could not and will never bring myself to forgive them or much less to talk to them...Remember this sentence, when you are not the party involved, it's not your goddamn business so Fuck Off...
Guess that's all i feel for the time being. Shall try to blog everyday like i used to ...hmmmm. *Determied Look*

Strong recommendation for show goers : A Beautiful mind (Damn Nice!)

2002-02-06T12:03:00.000-08:00

I have just made the most important decision of my life two hours ago and I think it's the most rightful decision that I have done this time.... I decided to go back to H and leave F.
I know it's a painful decision to make but ultimately, the choice has to be done. When I first decided to marry H, it's b'coz I wanted to spend my life with him... Then later, he changed and things started to change too, then F came into the picture... but then, H has then since changed again for the better this time, and I think to myself, ultimately, I'm married to H, I have committed myself to this man and thus I should give this man a second chance to prove himself again. We had a long talk earlier on... what we want from each other and how suffocated I was feeling eversince he changed, I guess the point was brought across to him and now he understands it perfectly, we decided to give the marriage a 2nd chance again, it may or may not work *touch wood*, but we will try our very best....
As for F, all along I know he deserves someone better, someone that when he marries someday, nobody will talk behind his back. I can never be that someone and I guess maybe deep down in our hearts both of us know it... I was selfish to cling on to him, he should have move on long ago. It's about time to make this decision. I know he will respect my decision b'coz ultimately, I know he wants me to be happy. I will miss him definitely but time will heal all wounds *I really hope so time will* ... Especially when I know ppl like Rykiel, Verda, Delwen, Jude, Gobby, Jas and of course H are around me all the time...
The most difficult part now will be letting F know, I decided to let him know today and I also decided to be strong and not cry in front of him...It's going to be very tough but I guess it's time to make a clean break... I think I may need shoulders to cry on after that but I know you guys will lend me yours.I cannot waiver this time. *firmly shake my head* I'm going to let him know that I'm going to give my marriage a second chance and this means to give him a better life. Anyway, we can still be platonic friends if he wants to but maybe not for the time being...
Lend me your moral support guys, I need it badly to ensure that I'm doing the right thing... Meanwhile, let's just pray and hope that H won't disappoint me again...

2002-02-04T21:04:00.000-08:00

have been crying since yesterday nite...I feel so hopeless about the relationship between F and me.... I know I'm selfish to cling on to him but I really dun know what will happen to me if I leave him... I know that he deserves a better girl than me, a girl that dun give him so much problems... I shouldn't get him involved in the first place...and likewise, I shouldn't have put in so much feelings into this relationship...I know that he doesn't like it when I go out with H, I know that he is jealous of H, I know i'm hurting him with my indecisiveness...I have told him that I know by leaving him, I'm doing a right thing b'coz only then he can move on with his life and get to know and find a better girl, his reply will always be : if this decision will make u happy, I will respect your decision. Oh God! How could I be happy with this ending, it will be the most agonizing decision that I have made in my entire life...If only i'm cold-blooded enough, I dun think I will have problems saying it...Rykiel, I know you are right, I know that a decision has to be made sooner or later, I know that whatever decision I have made is going to hurt someone I love... If only I'm gone, I will not be faced with such a situation... Should I be selfish for the last time...

2002-02-03T09:54:00.000-08:00

Haven't been actively blogging for the past two days... Well nothing much happened *Phew ~ sigh of relief*
Spent my Saturday shopping, kaoz, reality really strike me hard, I mean all along I know i'm not a petite girl (look carefully, I didn't mention the word FAT) but i really didn't know I would have problems getting jeans, kaoz n kaoz, shopped the entire Far East Plaza with three ladies and two gentlemen (well, you know who you are) and just managed to get two pairs of jeans... Ha ha ha... To put it on the safe side, I better stick to some dieting programme before I can't even fit into those two pairs... sob sob... as if my life isn't miserable enough... *grins instead of really crying* No problem getting tops though I have chosen red and orange (quit thinking about red packets and mandarin oranges, okay guys). Dinner on Saturday nite was quite a fun affair - with some teasing going on ( again, you know who you are). Overall Saturday was enjoyable (though my feet hurt like hell, stupid me went shopping on 2 1/2-inch heels *Ouch Ouch*).
Today was mahjong session again.... Not much to mention about..
Chinese New Year is coming and so is Valentine's Day. What should I do? *sigh* It may turn out to be the most worrying Valentine's Day of my life.....

2002-01-31T21:34:00.000-08:00

Haven't been blogging for the past few days... my pc has been giving me problems again...sigh... It's going to be a competition : either the pc die first or i will die first from pc fustration...
I always wonder if I have expected too much from the ppl surrounding me... esp from H and F? Too much Expectations often leads to tons of Disappointments. The past few days have been pretty quiet, no hiccups and i really wish that the rest of my life will be like this or maybe singlehood isn't such a bad idea afterall, especially when you are caught in a fix like i do now...sigh
Hmmm, anyone of you been to One Fullerton yet? I went there on Wednesday nite with H, went to Gloria Jeans Coffee, the scenery there is not bad but I still prefer the scenery at Altivo...Really missed Altivo a lot, missed the days when F brought me there to spent quality time alone...(no dirty thoughts pls)
I don't know why but I really dread Valentine's Day this year.... nope we are not talking about how many bouquets or even no bouquets from guys but who I am going to spend it with... I have alrdy received invitations from the two above mentioned guys plus three more D, R, and B...I'm not the least worried about the three foreign guys , they are not on my priority list at all ... more concerned about H and F..... Any suggestions what I can do about it? Please help a poor girl in distress...

2002-01-28T21:55:00.000-08:00

Think I'm a sentimental person by nature....Hasked me a good question yesterday... Do I have any feelings for F? I did not answer him with the truth
I have been asking myself this question since yesterday nite, should I go back to H and really really leave F? After all that seems to be the perfect solution... no matter what, I am a married woman, even if i'm divorced, F will be marrying a divorcee, his friends will look down on him, talk behind his back, his parents might not be able to accept me etc etc... H has promised to treat me better anyway... and it's a fact that i'm really married to him, so why not give him the chance again... I have learnt that no matter whether izzit a marriage or even a relationship, the surrounding ppl always played a factor, whether you like it or not, it's sad but it's true... But if things were to be this easy, i would have made up my mind long time ago, I maybe wrong but I have been always given this impression that F needs me more than H does. Look, H always have friends surrounding him, i know that even if I'm not around, his friends will be... But F has hardly got any close friends and since that incident happened, he has been spending his weekends alone at home... I really feel that he needs me more...
I really don't know what to do now... I'm stuck in between...HELP!!!!!

2002-01-27T23:46:00.000-08:00

This is the most leisurely spent weekend so far...
Friday :- met up with Rykiel in the afternoon, went for french manicure, verda met up with us for a while, went for early dinner and went for a short drink, then Verda left and me and Rykiel went to Ice Cold Beer to meet up with a friend, and guess what, I saw H's ex-girlfriend, the bitch who wrote me the email about H having an affair.... she just simply wants H back, tat's all.. Wah lau, cannot take it... she kept staring at me... anyway, the place was quite packed so we decided to drop down to BarCelona, another surprise...I saw my sort of ex-boyfriend,J, .... haven't seen him for quite some time alrdy(2years????), tot he looked slightly fatter (are my eyes deceiving me?) and one thing for sure, he has aged quite a fair bit, anyway i kept wondering to myself, how would life be if i had really been with him instead of H, Sigh... that's life, rite... you keep wondering how is it like if you do or didn't do this or that..... reminds me of the show : Sliding Doors...
Saturday : Ya rite, Jude saw Verda, Rykiel and me at east coast suntanning...and ya, i was wearing my bright blue bikini top only (no courage to show off my bottom), showing off my temporarily tattoo *smug look*, not exactly tanned although skin does feel a bit tight and according to my friends, looked slightly darker.. guess i'm not the tanning type.... anyway, went for dinner with them and late split to go mahjong...and that goes on till sunday afternoon about 5pm...
Sunday : slept like a log till about 7pm, then went to collect my makeover photos, remember i told you guys that during my polaroid shots, the one with straight hair looks better than the one with the tied-up hair... after collecting the photos, feel that the one with the tied up hair looks better than the straight hair b'coz the "tied up hair" shots are in black and white, anyway, you guys decide when you see it for yourself okay...

2002-01-24T21:37:00.000-08:00

Dinner was fantastic, all the tom yam soup and chicken, wow, very bao bao *baby talk again*. After that, we went down to Citylink Mall for coffee and drinks.... Imagine six women gathering around to talk and gossip, WOW!!!
Supposed to go and catch a movie with Rykiel but the poor girl is not feeling well so dun know what is the programme layout yet.... Me shall wait patiently...

2002-01-23T22:44:00.000-08:00

Me quite shacked.... Came back from mahjong session at about 9 in the morning, somemore, lose money... sigh... anyway, it's just for the sake of fun...*weak smile*
Yeah, waiting for tonite... where all the beef noodles and tom yum soup comes into my mind. Must sound like a greedy pig... or maybe i am..
I think i should go and bathe alrdy... supposed to meet rykiel soon in town.... brrrrrr, imagine bathing in cold weather with cold water. Oh My God.....
Shall blog when I come back from dinner....meanwhile, those who can't make it, don't drool till your keyboard is full of saliva, huh..

2002-01-22T22:29:00.000-08:00

First, i must thank you guys for all the encouragement and consolation. Really appreciate that. Especially Jude, Delwen, Verda and of course Rykiel. I know that if ever one day, i really break down, i will have shoulders to lie on....
Went to do a temporarily body tattoo at my friend's stall (marina square) last nite... I loved the combination of colours that my girlfriend had matched for me, black and red, it's done on my back , wow, i loved the effect, feel like doing a permanent one leh, then I will become a real typical ah lian alrdy....wah ha ha ha. Rykiel also did one for herself, it's a blue sun.
I realised that if i don't think of all the things that had happened during the past few days, I'm still feeling alright but once I start to think of all that my mood swings will all come back again... and i hate my mood to affect my surrounding friends....
Because of my problems with H, things are just as bad in my own house. My brother (idiot) and my sis(idiot as well) are ignoring me as well. At least, my sis still talk in short sentence but my bro is much worse, treat me as transparent and whenever he wants me to do something, he will write a note. I just simply don't understand, i mean, don't i have enough problems on hand, must they still add on...why izzit that they must interfere in my matters... nothing else to do ah? If they know the whole thing, then i don't mind but the fact is THEY KNOW NOTHING!!!! I'm beginning to hate this house, if not for my mum, i would have shifted out long time back. Everybody is like pressuring me to one corner, then how? Sooner or later, i think they will have what they want....
Don't want to talk about that anymore. Hey, understand that there is a mini feast cum gathering going on tomorrow at Golden Mile Complex.... I should be on, if somebody else is on??? Verda, my mouth is watering from the much talked about Tom Yam Soup... It better be good or else....... *sounds like typical lian talking*.

2002-01-21T23:58:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't been blogging again but something has happened last Thursday and I wasn't in the right frame to talk much less to blog. U r right Rykiel, i know that someday, within a short frame of 30 mins, the fight will happened. I just didn't expect it to be so fast and at that place. I didn't expect H to be around that area, and I didn't expect H to help F to lock his car door. I cannot express the guilt that I still feel inside my heart, for hurting H and F emotionally and at the same time, F was injured because of me...
I'm not angry with anyone, if there's anyone to blame, it's myself... After this incident, I feel that I'm really much better off alone...I dun want to hurt anyone in my life and I REALLY dun wish to see anybody injured because of me...
I went back to H and Mine house. We had a talk on Saturday.... I dun wish to let him harbour any more thoughts, to be frank, as much as I dun blame him for what happened and I emphasized that i'm not angry with him, I know there's a irrepairable scar between us and the scar will remain for the rest of our lives...Even if I go back to him, there will be this barrier between us, an unsaid but there kind of barrier.I wonder whether I should go back to him because he loves me or I love him but I have always strongly believed that Love itself is not enough to sustain a relationship. Some couples who called quits doesn't necessarily mean that they don't love each other anymore but that they have reached a limit in their point where they jsut couldn't live with each other anymore. I dun know whether me and H have reached that point of life alrdy?
I wonder how is F, whether the swollenness had subside?
Thanks for being there, Rykiel and Verda, really appreciate it. I do not know what I have to do next. I wish I know but I'm still trying to figure out...

2002-01-16T07:38:00.000-08:00

F is really not into pc, one look at his pc and you would know, clean cut, so while in the process of downloading the icq, i decided to blog a bit bit...
Today is a quiet day, spent most of my time on the net, icq-ing, blogging, checking the emails and ,more icq-ing. My eyeballs almost glued together.... * over statement* then at about six plus, F came over to my place to pick me p to his house for dinner. Well, dinner was okay...just another routine affair.
My ex called me up today, from a person who was not commited to the marriage, he changed a lot... He told me today that if I were to go back to him, he will straight away hold the chinese dinner, follow by, I can continue will my studies and in the meanwhile, we will try to have kids.... I used to want all this from him, but everything seems to come too late.... why only make the effort now when he could have all the while? Why only treasure something after it's gone?

2002-01-15T22:19:00.000-08:00

went to Bishan yesterday in the afternoon.... was terribly late, guess i was lucky that rykiel didn't kill me with her bare hands...ha ha ha. Stayed at the Coffee Bean from 2+ till about 7+ then met up with a bunch of ex-colleagues to Seoul Garden for dinner... Eat till bao bao..*baby talk*, then went back to F's house and watched TV... another day passed just like that..
Me wanted to go to Sunset Bay today... it's been a long time since i last suntan, but F said no, not alone, says that he will accompany me there sometime.... Anyway, today is soup-day again, F's mum asked me to go to his place for soup. Wonder to myself how the mum will react if she knows that i'm separated, F has reassured me countless times that his mum is quite liberal, well, we shall know then...
I will be able to take my photos on 27/01/02. Delwen, Jude, Diamond, Avis and of course Verda and Rykiel, shall we meet up and gossip, at the same time, can show you guys the photos lor, maybe on 29/01/02. Just make sure that you ladies dun take any food b4 the photo-viewing session so that you all won't puke on my photos... ha ha ha. So how about it? Let me know ah...

2002-01-13T23:40:00.000-08:00

went for my makeover yesterday, took some polaroid shots as well...F says that i look nicer when my hair is straight and let loose, but he says it's not that nice when my hair is tied up, he says that it's a bit lian-ish.... Urgh why is that stupid word always linked to the beautiful me??? *imagine Jude, Verda and Rykiel puking*
Me going to post a question to all female bloggers out there .... Does your guy mind when there are ppl going after you? Do you think of it as your fault? Sigh....

2002-01-11T07:08:00.000-08:00

Wow, seems like it's a long time since I last blog... he he he I must be the most inactive blogger around *sheepish grin*, Verda and Rykiel kept icq-ing me UPDATE YOUR BLOG LAH.... UPDATE YOUR BLOG LAH, so here goes. Update you guys a bit... me has not been working since 31/12/01. 'Early release' - as put it by my previous asshole company. Glad that i'm out of hell and misery.. yeah. Nowadays always lazing around - sigh.
Love Life??? Me with somebody now, let's name him F... though things has not been settled yet with my ex.. I'm very comfortable with F and basically contented with the life that i have rite now, no wish to change that. No one can predict what will happen tomorrow rite, why not be happy each day. Of course, my ex and myself are much more calmer when we talk nowadays and I know that he's still hoping that someday, I will go back to him. But like what I say, no one can predict what will happen tomorrow, maybe F will go back to the girlfriend, maybe F will find another better girl, too many maybes and too many uncertainty(s) in life. I just wish for simple thing in life - to be happy every day, no more quarrels, no more arguments, no more heart-breaking moments.
I really cherish what I have now.. Especially my family and my friends like Rykiel,Verda.. There of course used to be one more person,, name her S, but lately I do not know whether izzit due to misunderstanding or due to the fact that the partner by my side has changed, we have drift apart too. Like I mention to Rykiel, if the same thing happen to her *touch wood*, I will stand by the decision that she has made coz she is my friend.... *deep sigh*
Enough of the sad sad things... I just did something vain today... Me went to book makeover at Chantel Goh Studio... the appt is schedule on this Sunday at 12.00pm, very excited about the whole thing leh.. wonder how the result will turn out to be... Rykiel, you shall be the first one to see, okie? Just don't break my heart and tell me it's ugly, okie?
Well, that's all for the time being... I promise I will be blogging everyday from today onwards.. meanwhile, why don't we arrange another meet up like the previous ones that we have? kinda really missed that.....

2001-12-30T19:15:00.000-08:00

TIRING! That's all I can say about the chalet.... lots of food and wine but basically no one drink that much..spent my whole sunday facing the sea... not a bad move actually, got to see ppl blading, cycling, children running around, adults under the tree, teenagers smooching, caressing ... WOW! Quite an interesting sight actually....Ha ha ha
Me really in ORD mood alrdy leh... so shiok, no need to get involved in senseless and endless meetings, no need to think about sales target and so many others..... *relieved*
HALO, me definitely not ah lian....... how can ah lian be snobbish, icy and have a sultry look? Ha ha ha. I really dun know whether to be angry or just laugh it off... I so chio meh (really kana-sei), normally sultry woman are the prettier ones, does that mean I'm pretty??? *I think Jude, Verda and Rykiel must be puking their heads off when they see this*

2001-12-27T23:33:00.000-08:00

I have already summited my resignation letter this morning at 10.43am, can't say that I'm exactly relieved but I think it's a move that I have to make for myself. Where do I go from here? Maybe go back to study??? Maybe search for another job??? Well, it's still too early to tell, I'll decide whether within these couple of days.I need a good break anyway.. Me still kinda missed the night at Marina Mandarin, how I wished time will stand still then, but then....... good things don't last forever. Well, it's okie.... so long the friendship does, it's good enough, rite.
Yipee, going for chalet... yeah... shall enjoy myself thoroughly.. shall blog when I come back on Monday! See you guys then!!!

2001-12-26T04:23:00.000-08:00

I'm going to summit my resignation letter tomorrow. This job is not meant for ppl to stay on. No wonder this place is forever hiring ppl, now I know the reason why. They get demoralised not by the sales figure, but by the mgmt. Ppl who don;t even have a job right now don't even want to step in here... Me should have catch the hint earlier but I think I'm stupid, I guess. It's not such a bad idea to leave this job but I know it's a super bad idea to leave now without a job... Anyway, who needs a job like this? The second bad news of the day, me and my husband(going to be ex soon) are going to be officially separated... Ya I knows it sounds sad, but life still goes on... rite? I'm not denying the chance to go back to him (if one fine day, I realise he's still the one for me) but I really feel that I shouldn't be so selfish to make him wait for me... it's not my style and I also don't know when I will think things through...maybe one day,maybe one month, maybe one year or even one whole lifetime... It's hard to put feelings into words... it's even harder to put sense into feelings.
Since like nothing has been going on smoothly eversince I joined this company (jinx??? curse???) I just hope that things will be smoother after I leave this job... About time I have to start going for praying sessions... *manage a weak smile from myself*

2001-12-19T04:05:00.000-08:00

Cannot take it, man! How can somebody treat my close friend like that! Don't worry girl, you still have the rest of us. It's infuriating to think that how a person can manupilate his so called loved one like that and it's worse that she doesn't have the eyes nor brains to differentiate what's good or bad for her. They can rot in hell together. COMPLETELY IDIOTIC AND DAMN BASTARD!!! FUCK OFF!!! She doesn't deserve you, girl, don't cry anymore, your tears aren't meant for people like her. My hands are trembling in anger... Please don't let me see him or her... I cannot think what I will do.

2001-12-12T21:39:00.000-08:00

I have been wondering to myself : What does everyone want from me in the end? To go back to him, yes, i could do that but the problem will remain unresolved and the same thing will re-occur again and again. Why give myself a specific time-frame? Why? Why? Why? The whole issue is about me and him, yet because I'm the one who initiate a cool-off, I will be the one getting all the shit and he will be the innocent party... I have never and will never say that he is not nice to me, but the fact that he had done things to disappoint me again and again... i am numb to it already...MArriage is all about trust and committment, yet I feel that I cannot trust this man anymore, and therefore, we are not commited to each other anymore. Of course, I feel frustrated and helpless at times that things should turn out this way but what can I say? I have tried talking, screaming, shouting and in the end we will always end up quarrelling, it's the kind of life that i'm sick of. I know that I'm stubborn but if I were to accept what he did, I might as well leave him and be alone again. Maybe I didn't know him well enough before we got married but he is not the man that I once knew anymore....DEEP SIGH

2001-12-12T20:15:00.000-08:00

i have always hated it when someone tries to challenge my inner feelings and I still hate it now... Almost saw him yesterday night but because F came to fetch me and the fact that i'm not ready to face him yet, i did not get to see him. All right, LOOK! i'm not feeling guilty nor my conscience is biting me off, but when I can't reach any decision, I do not wish to face him, I can imagine the scenario : Ugly words will come out, situation will be worse and if there were any hopes of reconcilation, it will be dashed... Why make things worse than they already are, why not talk when we are both ready too. I know he might be feeling as troubled as I am now but if I can't convince myself that he can and he will change, how am I going to face him? I don't understand why everybody putting F into the picture when whenever I was thinking about the situation between H and I, it's only H AND ME. I have never deny the fact that among all suitors, i'm closer to F but that's all. We are friends, that's it, flat, period, full stop!

2001-12-12T02:15:00.000-08:00

Have been feeling sick these past few days..... Physically and mentally, I think I need a good break from my "regular" world, okie, maybe i'm trying to avoid something, but I definitely wouldn't mind if everybody forgets that I ever existed in this world... I'm not trying to make things difficult, it's just that there are still some things which I have not figure out yet....Used to believe in fairytale, the prince and princess married, they lived happily ever after.... seems like things did not work out that way for me... I know how disappointed some of my buddies are with me, for dragging in some ppl that are not supposed to "appear" in the first place, I have made my situation clear to him, but I really can't "kick" him off like that, he's still my friend... sigh....what am I supposed to do? Am I hopeless, too soft-hearted..... I really dun know

2001-12-10T01:36:00.000-08:00

my second post.....dunno how to design my blog

2001-12-04T00:11:00.000-08:00

Hi!! This is a my first try...like my template??